The Silken Trap

Hiya everybody!

I am OVER THE MOON to announce that I've joined the team of Sex & Love bloggers at Creative Loafing.

Come check out my first post, and be sure to leave me a comment!

I will be a regular contributor, writing about the Tampa Bay area's alternative sexuality scene as well as my adventures as a kinky wife & mom, pro dom, and pornmaker. Feel free to write back to me with your questions, comments, observations and of course if you know about a group or event you'd like to see mentioned.

Did I mention I'm thrilled? I think I'm gonna have to knock off early today and have a champagne lunch to celebrate, hehehe! In case you've never heard of it, Creative Loafing is like the Village Voice for those of us south of the Mason Dixon line. It's got regional issues in most of the major cities, and anybody who's looking for hip entertainment around here turns to CL. I grew up around here, and CL was our beacon of coolness in an era when they rolled up the sidewalks at 8pm. Add that it's my first paying gig as a writer and it's doubly exciting. (Note that we're working with a special writer's definition of "paying gig" that includes peanuts.)

Anyway, please come and check it out!

Once upon a time my son (aka aspie boy) was a wee lad of three or four years old. At this tender age he was already a dedicated artist, decorating any surface he could reach with any sort of writing/coloring implement he could find.

One day he decided to experiment with more organic media. He began using his own poo to paint with.

He painted the walls. He painted the furniture. He smeared it into the carpet and rubbed it all over his toys. He even daubed it on himself, taking special delight (it seemed) in working it into his hair.

Now this is pretty normal, right? At least, that's what the pediatrician, other parents, etc and so on would assure me when I mentioned it.

But my son? He did this not once or twice but three or four times a day.

EVERY day.

For about SIX MONTHS.

I spent hours every day literally scrubbing the shit out of things. Ever tried to get half-dried poo out from between the prongs of a lego? I recommend avoiding it if at all possible.

This was before we even knew about his autism. And yet, somehow, I managed NOT to murder anybody. There have been other rough times, and I'm sure will be more to come, but that was certainly the {ahem} crappiest.

And that, dear readers, is why I will not do scat or "human toilet" play as anything but a cyber-fantasy.

So I'm nagging my daughter to put a shirt on. She rolls her eyes at me and gives me that "how come I have to wear a shirt? My bother gets to go topless all the time!" look. And I tell her "Yes, I know it's a dumb rule but it is still a rule. And I promise you that if you want to protest this law against girls showing their boobs when you are a grownup I will support you completely. But for now, as long as you're MY responsibility, you're gonna wear a shirt."

She grumbles and grabs a tshirt. As she's pulling it on inspiration hits, and I say "Hey, you wanna hear a secret?"

"A secret?"

"This is a serious Big Girl Secret. Shhh, come closer...we don't want any boys to hear!"

She's getting excited now. Mysterious secrets are like mother's milk to the little girl addicted to epic dramas. She leans in to hear me whisper in her ear. "Do you know WHY girls aren't allowed to go topless?"

"So their boobies won't show."

"Yes, but WHY can't we let everyone see our boobies?"

"Ummm...why?"

"Because they're DANGEROUS."

(A promise of danger! The child's mad about dragons and other fierce creatures; she's hanging on my every word now.)

"And do you know why they are dangerous?"

"Ummm...because if babies see them they'll try to get all the milk from them?"

Here I have to laugh. "No sweetheart, when they're feeding babies is the only time girls are allowed to show their boobies in public. All the rest of the time they have to be covered."

"And the reason they have to be covered is" {dramatic pause} "if boys see boobies they go crazy! Their minds go wobbly and they do all sorts of stupid things."

My girl is a smart cookie, she gets it right away. "Oh! Like when {insert cartoon character} was trying to impress {cartoon character's love interest} and did {some stupid thing} to show off."

"Exactly princess, just like that. And I'm sure you can imagine how horrible it would be if boys went around acting crazy like that all the time." She nods in knowing agreement.


Sometimes it's fun to be a parent.