The Silken Trap - humor

VOTE MISTRESS

nospam@example.com (slave tia) — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 06:41:06 -0600

This Election Day, there can be only ONE choice:

VOTE MISTRESS

Mistress's opponent is for big business, industry pollution, shipping our jobs overseas, taking candy from children & kicking pregnant women.

MISTRESS is for spankings, corporal punishment, domination & humiliation, body worship & buffalo wings for all.

MISTRESS's opponent is a wall street insider commie fag homophobic warmongering soft on terrorism junkie who watches reality TV shows.

MISTRESS is for mom, apple pie, unabashed hedonism, freedom for all except those she enslaves, recreational drugs on demand.
And puppies.

MISTRESS's opponent kicks puppies. And small children.

MISTRESS's opponent shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. He steals from the give-a-penny/take-a-penny jar. And listens to Air Supply.

MISTRESS is for health care for all, raising the minimum wage/standards of living, really good ice cream & finding the perfect pair of shoes.

MISTRESS plans to safeguard our national defense by installing ninja pirate Chuck Norris giant robots on our borders.

MISTRESS's opponent can see Russia right outside the window. But lives in Jersey.

MISTRESS's opponent thinks 47% of the people are freeloaders who believe in socialist concepts like being entitled to food, medicine, staying alive.

MISTRESS thinks 100% of the people would be happier if they just shut up and did whatever she commanded.

MISTRESS is for clean energy, saving the planet, getting massages and getting us all jetpacks & flying cars because its 2012 damnit and its LONG overdue.

MISTRESS's opponent wants us all to live like the Amish.

MISTRESS is for human rights and civil liberties. Unless you disobey her, in which case she is a staunch supporter of law & order.
And CBT.

MISTRESS's opponent wishes you all to be wage-slaves for the rest of your life without retirement. And eats babies. Raw.
Without ketchup.

MISTRESS is for well-deserved leisure time after her slave's hard labors.

Who here can forget Her stirring words, "Ask not what Mistress can do for you, ask what you can do for your Mistress!"

VOTE MISTRESS.

Or you'll be sorry.

Silent But Slutty

nospam@example.com (slave tia) — Sat, 09 Jun 2012 14:18:28 -0600

A little while ago Mistress posted about a video I had made for her mostly for her own amusement--somehow I doubt that silent movie porno is going to take the interwebz by storm. ;p

But it was SO much fun to make, I went ahead and even made a little promo/video for it above purely for the fun of it.

I hope you enjoy...and, if you want to see the entire movie, Mistress has it on her clips for sale site here.

Getting It Out Of My System

nospam@example.com (slave tia) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 06:31:26 -0700

Recently I've had my hours cut back at work to such an extent that its getting very difficult to get by. So I'm looking around for new or additional work, polishing up my resume, working on cover letters.

Dancing the Dance of Bullshit, as I like to call it. You know what I'm talking about--saying things like, "I am a results-driven team player who holds himself up to the highest standard..." yadda yadda yadda. Trying to talk in professional/corporate weenie-speak.

And I can't stand talking like that, so stuffy and dishonest and artifical.

So I have to get the following out of my system, the cover letter I WISH I could send these HR bastards.

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am interested in the XX position with your company.

I am currently living in a van down by the river, existing only upon my own body vermin that I share dwellings with. It isn’t pleasant. I don’t much care for it. I need a real job.

Actually, that’s a lie. I don’t want a job per se. Its work, isn’t it? If it was something I wanted to do, like cover several naked and blonde Valkyrie Goddesses with chocolate syrup and lick every glorious inch clean, that would be fun, and not work.

And since our society is so backward in that we only get paid for things that we really don't want to do, (i.e work), I come to you.

I’m sure you didn’t want your job either: let’s be honest with ourselves and say that we’re only in for the money--the root of all evil.

As much as I despise this capitalistic, money-grubbing, career ladder ascending society in which we live in I must confess that when you have to barbeque your own body lice to survive, there’s something to be said for an hourly wage. Drug dealers will not take credit, after all.

And, to make matters more urgent, the doctors say if I sell any more of my precious bodily fluids I might not make it, and so they won’t let me do it any more.

Hire me or I will follow you and hunt you down wherever you go. I will find what you love most in the world and kick it in the crotch. Your mother, your child, your dog, I don’t care. I’m eating goddamn fleas for crying out loud.

And when the grand glorious Revolution comes and the capitalist running dogs are put up against the wall and shot, I will put in a good word for you and thus keep you from being offed with the rest of the pigs. That is, if you give me this job I want. Or just the money. I don’t even need to come to the office, really, and considering the smell in this van you might not want me in the office anyway.

I can provide many glowing references from my current place of underpaid, underappreciated employment (I like to call it Hell), because there’s an office pool as to when I’ll snap and kill someone and I think they’ll say a lot of nice things just to see me go.

And if they don’t say anything nice, please, let me know. Someone might just win that pool after all.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Its Official: God Exists.

nospam@example.com (slave tia) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:15:38 -0700

I consider this a sign that there IS a God after all, and that he loves us kinky geeky types very much indeed!

A SCI FI BROTHEL IN VEGAS.

I MUST GO!

It is a Moral Imperative. Or an Immoral Imperative, if you prefer!

Happy Halloween! :)

nospam@example.com (slave tia) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 14:07:38 -0600

Should have posted this hours ago lest the angry mob of Slavegirl Sissy fans outside break down the door, all carrying pitchforks and torches and demanding the return of the ZOMBIE SLAVE!

If you ask your Zombie Slave to fetch you a snack, don't expect him to come back with a salad.

Fun fanmail

nospam@example.com (Erisiana Cherie) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:48:51 -0600

Sometimes we get some very entertaining mail. Such as this piece, which I found so uh, inspiring that I had to share it with the world..

Good lord

That IS when my 'stunt double' would be filling in, no?

From: Mistress Erisiana Cherie
To: slv T
Sent: Monday, October 3, 2011 10:16 AM
Subject: [Fwd: ideas]

I just thought you would appreciate seeing this one for yourself, hehehe!

xoxoxxx
your Mistress

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: ideas
Date: Mon, 3 Oct 2011 13:16:17 +0000
From: [name withheld]
To:
Helllo Cherie!, love your videos!!! you can sit on my mouth any time for as long as you want!!! (LOL)here is a idea to use your slut, Tia. How about renting her to a big Black cock, deepthroat gang bang!! a video of her chocking and gagging on about 10 big Black cocks one after another in rapid succession would be a best seller!!! thanks for asking for suggestions.ps. you can sit on my face any time! ------
[name withheld]

In Case Of Emergency, Boobs May Be Used As A Floatation Device

nospam@example.com (slave tia) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 08:19:37 -0600

I suppose this video should have been published last week for Labor Day--the traditional 'end of summer' but, as Mistress and I live in sun-shiny Florida our summer lasts a bit longer than most!

Its not a big video or one of our Femdom videos, its just a few minutes of Mistress and I at the beach this summer playing in the water.

But there are BREASTS.

Boobs. Jugs. Air-bags. Arm Rests. Ballermen. Balloons. Balongas. Barackas. Bass Drums. Bazongas. Bazookas. Bazooms. Big-ones. Big 'Uns. Bodacious Ta-Ta's. Boulders. Bouncers. Bouncing Betties.

Cabbobbas. Cajungas. Cantelopes. Chestnuts. Chi Chi's. Chickies. Coconuts. Conversation Pieces. Crowd Pleasers. Cupcakes.

Dick Squeezers. Dingers. Dual Air Bags. Dueling Banjos. Ear Warmers. Erotic Volcanos. Flesh Pillows. Flippers. Floaters. Flotation Devices. Fog Lights. French Horns. Fried Eggs. Fun Bags.

Gifts. Golden Bozo.s Guns. Guzzongas. Hand Warmers. Headlights. Heavens in your hands. Heaves o' Heaven. Hills. Hogans. Honkers. Hooters. Incentives. Jigglers. Jobblies. Joy Buzzers. Jugoombies. Jumblies. Knobs. Lactation Stations. Lefty & Righty. Lil 'Uns. Lolas. Lollipops.

Love Humps. Love Muffins. Lunch Trays. Kittens. Magic Mountains. Mammaries. Mammery Cannons. Massive Melons. Melons. Milk Jugs. Milk Wagons. Missles. Mounds. Mountains. Mountains of Love. Mountains of Perfection. Muffins. Nay-Nays. Nipple Cushions. Nockers. Non-Dairy Creamers.

Nugens. Pacifiers. Pair. Party Favors. Party Hats. Peaks. Penis Pillows. Penis Pleasers. Penis Warmers. Pillows. Pints. Puppies. Purple People Eaters. Quicker Sticker Uppers.

Rack. Radio Dials. Recliners. Riding Handles. Ripe Flesh. Rocky Mountains. Set. Smarties. Snack Trays. Stacks. Squeezables. Sweater Kittens. Taters. Thingys. Tits. Titymackers. Tomatoes. Tonkers. Torpedoes. Tracks o' land. Twangers. Twin Peaks. Twins.

Warheads. Wazoos. Weapons. Whammies. Whoahs. Whoppers. Window Displays. Winnebago's. Wobblers. Woffers. Yaboos. Yazoos. Yummys. Zambonies. Zepplins.

MISTRESS'S BREASTS.

UNDERWATER.

Any questions?

{click the pic for video}

Go ahead, be a smart ass...see what it gets you!

nospam@example.com (Erisiana Cherie) — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 13:31:12 -0600

I told him to draw me a bath. He gave me this:

Guess what I gave him in return? *wickedgrin*

My pretty kitty

nospam@example.com (Erisiana Cherie) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 14:19:30 -0600

So when I asked Santa to bring me a matched set of kittyboys for xmas on my tumblr blog recently it wasn't exactly a new desire. In fact, I already had these pictures of Tia sitting in my cellphone...

Where, alas, they were found by girlspawn (aka my daughter) and the following conversation ensued*:
GS: EWWW! Mommy, why do you have naked pictures of Tia on your phone?
Me: {snatches phone away from her} You were ONLY supposed to be playing angry birds!

~pause~

Me: And besides, they aren't naked pictures. He's wearing underwear, and dressed like a kitty cat.

~pause~

Me: I talked him into dressing up like a kitty cat. I told him I thought it would be cute. And then I talked him into letting me take pictures of him, so he could see how cute he looked.
GS: Oh. Okay.

Lesson learned: Get the damned naughty pics off the phone before allowing girlspawn to play angry birds! :p

* Conversation is recounted as I remember it. Which may be badly; I was rather flustered at the time.

p.s. Also, I have promised to procure a fur bikini to go with Tia's cute kitty ears and tail!

'Porn' From the Stone Age, or 'A Young Perv Awakens'

nospam@example.com (slave tia) — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 10:50:36 -0600

These kids today...ai yi yi, they have it made... *old man voice*

I remember way back when I was a preteen/teenager, wayyy back before this newfangled 'internet' thing made it possible for you to find every variety of smut and porn under the sun, I had to figure out my developing sexuality and get my thrills on my own. No internet, too young to go to adult stores, what's a budding young perv to do?

Obviously as a responsible adult I don't condone underagers looking at porn and if by chance any of you reading these words ARE underage LOG OFF immediately and, I dunno, go watch something wholesome, damnit!

Like watch videos on MTV. Lady Gaga or Rhianna or something.

So, anyway...I was young, it was the early 80's, I had all of these urges and thoughts fermenting in my head, what was I to do?

One avenue was stolen porn magazines, or getting into my friend's dad's porn mag stash. He had all kinds of vanilla stuff. Hustlers and some XXX movie mags mostly. Nice to look at really but nothing really memorable. No, the real find for me was the 'letters' style of magazine. Big thick volumes of letters written by so-called 'real readers' that you instinctively knew were bullshit but that didn't matter really. "You wouldn't believe it, but I picked up these hitchhiking Swedish twins in my van and...." That kind of thing.

Many of these magazines were divided up into sections based on an activity or kink. They seemed to have something for everyone, from voyeurism to swinging to interracial encounters to you-name-it. Every couple of pages would be a kind of hot grainy B&W photo that only, with a bit of imagination, tied into the activity that group of letters happened to be about.

I was...mesmerized..by the Femdom section. I'd read the letters over and over again, imagining the action, putting myself in the place of the hapless submissive male who was being overpowered, blackmailed, put into bondage and feminized into permanent captivity to a beautiful Dominant Woman who would keep him her slave and playtoy forever..

To me, it wasn't like I made a conscious decision in my head "Oh that sounds hot, I would like to try that someday". It was more of...an epiphany of sorts. A realization deep in my heart, soul, and loins that this is who I am. Feelings and urges inside of me for years before I had even picked up a porno magazine in my life--things that I didn't understand suddenly had names and identities. I was a submissive male. I was into BDSM. I needed to belong to a Mistress. I now had a vocabulary and a frame of reference for these feelings and needs.

The aches in my body to be used and abused, dominated and enslaved like the men in the stories was so painful it was...delicious.

Now...what to do about it? I wanted...needed...more....

And in those miserable pre-internet Reagan years of youth there was NOTHING else. So I got, quite frankly, pathetic.

There exists in this house today--I have it still, and Mistress has seen it--a VCR tape that I made over many many late nights as a teen of things that just happened to rub me the right way in my 'special place', and I duly recorded and would masturbate furiously to.

This tape wasn't of a single naughty movie or anything like that. It was a total mishmash of movie clips, music videos, anything that pushed my buttons. And I DO mean ANYTHING. There was this night on "Friday Night Videos" that had Judy Tenuta doing her 'Love Goddess' shtick with Emo Philips as her devoted servant as guest hosts that I recorded segments of.

And masturbated to. Yes, I was that pathetic as a horny teenager.

Other things of note on the 'Tape Of Shame':

Madonna was, obviously, a HUGE turn on for me. I'd watch her videos over and over, freeze-framing on my favorite parts, daydream of being her slave and, of course, masturbate.

My favorite Madonna video:

Oh my god...those fishnets, those fishnets, I would have given the world to kneel before her legs & feet in those fishnets and heels and worshipped them...

Here's another pathetic confession of the 'Tape Of Shame' that I can't find a still image or a video clip of. There's a scene (a SINGLE scene!) in the horrible movie "Superman IV" where the character of Lacy White tries to seduce Clark Kent by laying on top of her desk in a provocative pose, showing off her beautiful legs and high heels, and having him come into her office to 'discover' her like that. I'm not even sure this scene is 20 seconds long: in any event, it must have impressed me, because I recorded it, watched and rewatched it (paused on the shot of her legs & feet of course) and masturbated to it.

There's a scene in the Madonna movie "Who's that Girl" where she's changing clothes to pass herself as the high society fiance of the male lead where there is a CLOSEUP of you-guessed-it her feet in fishnet and heels that's on screen all of maybe 3 seconds.

These are VANILLA movies, folks. But damnit, they were MY porn!

Thank GOD for late-night Showtime. How many other children of the 80's out there played the "Let's sneak into the living room late at night and watch naughty movies on cable with the volume turned down" game?

Not that any of them were really BDSM movies or even hinted at it...I enjoyed the "Emmanuelle" movies pretty much as they were, with my own mind adding daydreams and fantasies to make them femdom-ish in my head.

(With one exception--Emmanuelle IV--there's a dream sequence where Emmanuelle is beating her former lover across the face with a little flogger until her bows before her, with the dialogue something like "I want to whip you...beat you...you must know who your Mistress is!" Ohhhhh, melllllts....)

But one late night 80's erotic movie stands above all others to my fevered aches and longings, and that would be "Honey" or "Miele di Donna", sadly not available on DVD anywhere it would seem.

“The young, naive Annie enters a hotel to spend the night - without knowing that it's this special kind of hotel, that serves more than breakfast. Curiously she walks around and watches the maids doing their job. She's especially fascinated of a forbidden room, where a silent, strange guy lives.” --from the IMDb

The 'silent strange guy' scene I came across on YouTube HERE and while, yeah, ok, its hot, there's bondage even, it ISNT the scene that was the most erotic thing in the world to me and remained so until I was 18 and could go to a PROPER adult store and buy Femdom mags.

No, the scene that affected me so deeply, that melted my young kinky mind is the one where Annie is sneaking around this hotel, peeking into all of these rooms, seeing all of the erotic or bizarre things going on in all of these rooms. If I remember right, she had just been to the shower and was wearing nothing but a bathrobe, and she was a bit lost and unable to find her room. She stumbles into the room of a total stranger.

She’s discovered by this dominatrix-type stern woman with a cane, who immediately takes control of her and goes off into this roleplaying thing where the dommish woman is a schoolteacher, and Annie is a misbehaving student who has written a naughty letter and must confess her sins. Annie immediately obeys and begins to just roleplay with it, apologizing to the ‘Mother Superior’, disrobing and falling to her knees at the domme’s feet, who then starts to run her cane along Annie’s body, slowly and sensually, promising to get a ‘full confession’ out of her.

I remember this being the most erotic thing to me in the world at that time…not just the domme in the high heels, but more than that, it was…the ease that the Annie character had in immediately falling into submission to this stranger. I mean, here she is, almost naked, vulnerable, caught sneaking around, and she not only obeys this strange other woman, she buys into the whole fictional roleplay thing 100% without missing a beat, casting off her bathrobe and kneeling oh so beautifully on the floor.

I...wanted to BE her...so bad... So beautiful, so feminine..so wanted and desired that total strangers would want to dominate and possess her, and be so free in her sexuality and her ease in her submission that she could just instantly obey and get into it without any hangups or hesitation...

Even now, with all of these years of real life play and naughtiness behind me I still envy Annie that total freedom and sheer abandon in her slavery.

Mistress's disturbing alien dick

nospam@example.com (Erisiana Cherie) — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 19:22:05 -0700

Tia says my newly decorated dildo is even more disturbing than it was before. He goes on to say that it reminds him of the black oil thing from the X-Files, you know, where the alien slime crawled under people's skin and filmed over their eyes? He notes also that this doesn't seem to disturb me. And he's right - I quite relish the thought that he'll find my cock creepy and horrifying when I stick it in him.

He further theorizes that this must be an expression of my tentacle fantasy. This hadn't occurred to me but I think he has a point there too. It's certainly my belief that possesing a wardrobe of really unusual phalluses is one of the advantages of not having a factory model.

p.s. There is a story behind my decorating the dildo, but I'm not telling it unless somebody asks me!

A faux-sub in the wild

nospam@example.com (Erisiana Cherie) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 12:10:31 -0700

In the 5+ years I've been working as a professional sexpot, I've encountered a whole lot of crackpots who call themselves "slaves". Take this example I encountered today on twitter:

@LadyErisiana woukd you kidnap me making me a slave ( foot , human toilet , or sex slave?) Never letting me escape

This is pretty classic useless-wanker fodder. The guy's fantasy is completely unrealistic. I mean, what could possibly make it worth ANY woman's while to undergo the actual effort and legal risk of ACTUALLY KIDNAPPING him? A super hot kidnapping scene can be engineered between two partners who know each other well and have taken the time and trouble to negotiate. And a female-led relationship, where the guy lives in total submission to his Mistress, that's doable too. But actually kidnapping a random stranger? Seriously, hasn't everybody seen at least one episode of CSI by now?

But guys like this, instead of integrating their kink into their lives in a healthy and realistic way, choose instead to troll random women online. The modus operandi is to send an absurd and uninvited offer to as many women as he can, and get off on the responses of the few who actually reply.

These guys are worthless in the truest sense of the word; they offer literally nothing to the women they're hitting on. They barely even recognize that we are individual PEOPLE. To them we might as well be cardboard cutouts; we are merely random interchangable props in the fantasy. Anyone with a pussy and a flogger who talks back will do. I understand this but...well...sometimes I get in a mood. You know, the kind of mood where one's upbringing as a well-mannered southern lady succumbs to the urge to rip a new one in someone who is just asking for it? And today was one of those days. So I responded:

@s3cgarci7 Go buy a porn movie dipshit, and quit pestering busy Women with your trolling for free wank material. {link to my porn site}

He (of course, why stop when he's getting his fix?) answers back

@LadyErisiana plz lady

At this point (still in my mood) I attempted to DM him, and realized he wasn't even following me. So the guy wants me to put myself to great trouble and effort, risking lifetime imprisonment, to fulfill his perverted fantasy and kidnap him...and he can't even follow me on twitter? How fucked up is that? I respond again...

@s3cgarci7 You're such a worthless little wanker that you're not even FOLLOWING me. *eyeroll* Why should I want anything to do with you?

Now I've fed into his kink and he wants to keep the interaction going, keep me coming back with the nasty responses. So he goes on the offensive, insisting that HE'S the "real" one, I'm some kind of fake and clearly not up to the task...

@LadyErisiana I don't mean like a session nothing linger that thus is above you or your profession this is real shit believe that
@LadyErisiana I made other ladies like you call me crazy weird over of a kind yid see your something that I consider fake

At least, I think that's what he meant to be saying. It's hard to understand at this point because his writing has gotten so garbled. And you know what? My money would be on the garbled grammer being a result of him wanking off to the humiliation & rejection of my responses. Because THAT is what guys like this are really after - the humiliating rejection.

You can tell he's a humilation junkie by the nature of the fantasy he proposed: human toilet, need I say more? And just for fun I went to his twitter page, to see what kind of talk he'd been having with others. Guess what I found there? This conversation with another random woman he'd trolled...

@CLAUDIAmeatsix Are you crazy to stalk me kidnap me making me a(foot, sex, or human toilet) Slave ? Not let me escape 4 reals no games

@s3cgarci7 i think this is one of the most suitable situations where i can actually say 'WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?' :S

@CLAUDIAmeatsix lol just using twitter to my advantage I ask like 250 ladies what I asked you in s daily basis

@s3cgarci7 greaaat. get good replies most of the time?

@CLAUDIAmeatsix its my ultimate fantasy what I asked you .problem no girl like that I can't seen to find I asked professional domiatrixes

@s3cgarci7 that made a whole lot of sense just then. (y)
@s3cgarci7 yeah, i don't think you'll find any girl that will share the same "fantasy" as you. sorry mate.

@CLAUDIAmeatsix crazy physco girls , mistresses no no girl no where I asked over 30,000 from all over the world

@s3cgarci7 i can see how you find it so utterly entertaining.

Do I still think that there are many fine and worthwhile men in the world? Absolutely. I have several in my own life and some of them are my real-life slaves and submissives. But as a sex worker I've been astonished to discover just how many worthless wankers like this there are, who fulfill their kink by using women while claiming to be submissives or slaves.

You see what I have to put up with?

nospam@example.com (Erisiana Cherie) — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 04:49:40 -0700

As I've mentioned before, my slave tia is an incorrigible smart-ass. Which means that I often have to edit various bits of impertinence out of our porn videos. Today, for your amusement, I present this little collection of smart-ass moments.

Note the riding crop that I use to bring him back in line.

More gender tomfoolery!

nospam@example.com (Erisiana Cherie) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 00:00:00 -0700

Have you seen the anime series Ouran: High School Host Club yet?

If not, I urge you to check it out! It's HILARIOUS and has more gender tomfoolery in it than a barrel full of drag queens.

The premise is that a gender-ambivalent girl incurs an outrageous debt. To pay it off she starts working as a "host" which is basically a super-romanticized softcore boy-whore for rich girls. Cue all sorts of insanely silly scenarious revolving around gender & class expectations and teen romance.

One of the things I absolutely adore about this series (besides the loving way it spoofs both the romance genre and anime in general) is the way it presents sexual orientation as completely fluid. There's no discussion, it's not a big "Social Issue"...it's just taken for granted that OF COURSE all the characters, male, female, and in between, might develop romantic interests in any other character regardless of either party's gender.

Which leads to a lot of dreamy boy-on-dreamy boy action. *whistles innocently* Ouran: High School Host Club is available on streaming netflix right now. You can also find complete episodes on YouTube.

p.s. I think this is also a great choice for Mistresses who're looking for "femmy" media for mental restructuring/feminization purposes!

The Sub Male Placement Service

nospam@example.com (slave tia) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 14:25:38 -0700

"Hi. I'm Sally Struthers. You may remember me as Gloria, from 'All in the Family'. "
"Since then my career has gone nowhere and I've been stuck doing doing messages like these for correspondence courses (like how can you REALLY learn veterinary science via mail) charities for the hungry, and now this, the 'ADOPT A SUB CAMPAIGN'. God. I have no self respect anymore."

"Meathead, he became a director, didn't he? And Archie got to star in other series. Hell, even Edith got to do popular Broadway shows. What do I get??!? The Sub Male Placement Service. Christ."

"Um..you will edit this bit out, right?"

[Sally takes a deep breath]

"Across the world there is a severe lack of dommes, or couples where the female is domme for the countless legions of submissives who can do nothing but dream and hope..."

[Image of a lonely sub licking an empty woman's shoe]

"Its a sad fact that for every domme there are at least 20-30 submissives aching to be at Her feet. Yes, it gives the domme a wide selection, and its good for her, but for the unattached sub its a lifetime of seeing himself be passed over....What are these subs to do????"

[Sally looks into the camera, her 'caring' face on]

"Some give up their fantasies and become involved in sad, vanilla relationships with someone who thinks oral sex is the kinkiest they can handle...some run for Congress..others turn to us, the 'Submissive Placement Program'."

"We provide loyal subs to dommes at NO fee, and no donation needed...."

"Meet Sydb.."
[Sally tugs on a leash and Sydb comes into view. He's a tall 6'3 white male, 220 lbs, decently built but not developed. Long curly thick dark-brown hair to the shoulders...piercing hazel eyes behind john-lennon glasses, and an amused smile on his face]

[Sally brings him to heel]

"This is Sydb. He's a 28 year old sub male from southwest PA looking for friends/potential owners. Open to any Mistress, or any couple with a femme domme."

[Sally pulls out a vicious-looking crop. Sydb's eyes widen--this wasnt in the script!]

"Sydb here is an experienced sub who has no intention or desire to top from the bottom...lets put that to the test, shall we?"

[Sally smacks it down on his bare ass with an evil grin. Sydb yelps slightly and moans, but stays there as she rains blow after blow on him]

[Sally kicks the sub away]

"Please...you, Mistress can give Sydb here, or any of our other subs the happiness they need to keep from going 'postal'."

[Sally rolls her eyes]

I've GOT to talk to my agent...*grumble*..*curse*...*mumble*

COMMERCIAL FADE TO BLACK