Slavegirl Sissy

And now for the rear view...

Hmm, judging from the fuzzy eyes and sluggish brain I've spent waaay too much time writing these past few days. Definitely time for some porn...

Yesterday I talked about why most dominas find it annoying to be offered "oral service" by prospective subs. And on reflection I really wanted to add something about a closely related issue: words as fantasy props.

In all kinds of sex, but especially in kinky sex, certain words are in and of themselves sex objects. Often these are highly-charged words like "rape" and "torture" which arouse a completely different reaction when used in a kinky scene than if, say, you heard them on the evening news. But it applies to commoner terms too. And "service" is definitely on the list.

Being aware of the difference between fantasy and reality becomes vitally important here. Because while it might be very exciting to think that you are "serving" your Mistress when she has you tied down and is sitting on your face demanding that you lick her asshole...and in some sense that might even be true...in another sense your "service" is pure fantasy. No matter what words you are using to describe the experience your "service" to her is about as real as her "rape" of you.

At this point the words themselves have become sex toys. They no longer hold the meanings that apply in the everyday world.

I could go on about other differences between useful service and sex-fantasy service, but the idea I am trying to communicate here is that the same words can have very different meanings in different contexts. And not being aware of those differences can lead to lots of social awkwardness as a kinky person looking for partner(s).

Take, for instance, this actual letter I received from a subguy...

Hello Ma'am,how are you?I am a (X) year old male submissive living in (Y City).I am seeking a Domme to collar me.Thank you for reading this,Ma'am.

Is this guy sincere in wanting to be collared? Probably.

But what, exactly, does he want?

Just about every hetero male submissive wants a Domme to put a collar around his neck. The "collar" is a potent symbol that subguys respond to like Pavlov's dogs at the sound of the dinner bell.

But what this means in terms of the relationship can vary hugely. This guy could be thinking anything from moving in with me to be my 24/7 sissy maid (with me footing the bill for his room, board, & transexual medical treatment) to wanking off once a month under my direction in an online chat room.

Now personally, I think it is the subguy's job to figure out what the hell it is he really wants and learn to articulate it. Regardless, it's obvious to me that people using the same words but meaning different things is at the root of a lot of the complaints on either side about how hard it is to find a Domme/sub.

(What, you didn't know that? It's true - dominant ladies bitch about how hard it is to find a good sub just as much as sub males moan about the scarcity of dommes.)

And so I guess the Excellent Advice I would give to kinksters who are swimming in the dating pool is to watch for the difference between real life and sexual fantasy in the words of your prospective date/mate. Never assume they mean the same thing you do when using erotically-charged words like "collar" and "service". And don't be afraid to clarify, or ask for clarification.

So y'all know I'm on twitter, right? (Follow me there!) Well, in the course of conversation yesterday the subject of eating pussy came up, and I expressed my opinion that calling dining at the Y "service" is a stretch:

I'm always a little puzzled by subguys who sincerely describe eating pussy as "service". Like it's such a chore?

A twitter acquaintance responded...

It's not that it's a chore. Not at all. But to me the word "service" emphasizes that you're doing it solely to please her.

My answer to this could not be adequately expressed in 140 characters or less, and it goes something like this...

Sweetie, if you tell me that you're licking my pussy "solely to please me" I think one of two things: a) you're fibbing to yourself or b) you don't appreciate my pussy enough to be allowed to lick it.

I think what this tweep actually had in mind when he said "doing it solely to please her" was performing cunnilingus without expectation of oral reciprocation, possibly without the expectation of having intercourse or even being allowed to orgasm.

But in the world of kink, "getting off" frequently has nothing to do with actually getting off, in the traditional fucking-or-sucking-til-orgasm sense. As a male submissive you probably get some serious thrills out of being allowed to sexually pleasure your Mistress. It's overwhelmingly likely that you also get off on being teased/denied and having your sexual release controlled by her. And if that sort of dynamic is exactly what excites you, then again - how is it solely for HER pleasure?

Let's put that another way...if she's put on the sexy stockings and painfully high heels that drive you crazy, and she's standing over you making with the teasing talk before she squats on your face, and you and she both know she's doing these things deliberately to arouse you...is she "serving" you?

Then why is it that you making an effort to give her sexual pleasure counts as service?

The very IDEA smacks of male sexual privilege and porn fantasy. Which is precisely why the overwhelming majority of dominas find it irritating when subguys introduce themselves by offering such "service". The only circumstance I can imagine where a subguy performing cunnilingus on a woman qualifies as SOLELY for her pleasure would be if the guy truly found the woman or the act disgusting.

And if that's the case? This is a guy I want nowhere near MY pussy.

Remember Goddess Starla and her slave husband Randy from the site FemdomBride.com? I just came across this video clip from when Starla locked Randy up in his first chastity device, and I had to share.

I especially love her giggly glee at the whole thing. And I gotta confess the sight of Randy in his sissy-pink tshit with his little weenie locked up in chastity makes me kinda tingly too. ;-D

So, what are YOU going to do for fun this weekend?

I know what's on my agenda...

I got this letter from a fan that was SUCH a classic example of writing while wanking that I had to share...

Dea5 erisiana,'I love ypur etoc toes.I want to suck them nie and slow and
between the oes.Then i want yor tits and finally I want to cum inspde ypou./You
are my godess an i lve you.
LOVE, (name removed to protect privacy but ALSO misspelled, lol!)

I'll be giggling over this one for days!